Romans 12:20-21: Call Me “Magnanimous”

This past Sunday at Word of Life, Pastor Tom delivered the final message of the summer series by opening Romans 12:20-21 and sitting us in the tension. He was fresh back from vacation, said he had visited other local churches, and smiled that his kids wanted to come to WOL. He encouraged everyone to get the app, then named the problem he wanted to work on. The Bible, he said, does not dodge the ugly realities of life. It engages our difficulties, explains the human condition, and offers a way through. The challenge is that what Scripture teaches often pushes against our instincts and what the wider culture applauds. Into that headwind, he read Paul’s words about enemies, kindness, and a startling image of burning coals.

Summer’s Last Word

Pastor Tom framed this as the last week of the summer series. In his words, summer is officially over, time to bring the patio furniture inside, pull on hoodies, and get the snow shovels ready. Then he set the continuity. These closing verses stand on what we have been hearing for weeks, and those words should still be ringing in our ears. From verse 9, hate what is evil, but do not mirror it. From verse 17, never pay back evil with more evil. From verse 18, pursue peace so we can live at peace with everyone. From verse 19, never take revenge and respect that this belongs to God alone. Today, he said, Paul further unpacks the same idea with a concrete assignment. Romans 12:20-21 says, “If your enemies are hungry, feed them. If they are thirsty, give them something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals of shame on their heads. Don’t let evil conquer you, but conquer evil by doing good.”

He pointed out how Paul keeps building. Do not seek revenge. Bless those who have harmed you. This runs against our nature and culture. It is the Jesus way. It is the way of grace. And it will not happen by accident. It takes discipline. It takes trust.

Trusting God

Here Pastor Tom reached back to last week and credited Pastor Lisa for keeping verse 19 squarely in view. Romans 12:19 says, “Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say, ‘I will take revenge, I will pay them back,’ says the Lord.” He worked the point like a parent stepping into a room where kids are arguing and someone has taken matters into their own hands. This takes trust. Trust that He knows best. Trust that He is for you, not against you. Trust to loosen your grip, release control, and leave it for God to deal with as He deems necessary.

Meet Your Enemy’s Needs

Pastor Tom made his central turn here. Trusting God does not mean stepping back and becoming a passive bystander. He was candid that removing ourselves instead of getting revenge seems impossible, and even that kind of restraint demands a massive amount of self control. But passivity is not what Paul is calling for. Romans 12:20 says, “If your enemies are hungry, feed them. If they are thirsty, give them something to drink.” The answer is not to wash your hands and walk away. It is to actively help the people who are out to get you. Keep embodying the teaching of Jesus. Keep demonstrating kindness. Keep being salt and light.

He returned to the earlier words. This takes discipline. This takes trust. And, he added, it takes humility, because people will misinterpret it. They may confuse a Christlike response for weakness. But the assignment stands all the same.

Burning Coals

To help us understand Paul’s language, Pastor Tom showed where Paul got it. Proverbs 25:21-22 says, “If your enemies are hungry, give them food to eat. If they are thirsty, give them water to drink. You will heap burning coals of shame on their heads.” He paused long enough to ask the obvious question. What does the image of heaping burning coals of shame on someone’s head actually mean? He noted there are different theories, from refining metals to how neighbors carried coals or Egyptian rituals. Ultimately, he said, it is a startling and uncomfortable image, and we do not need to go hunting for a hidden mystery. Solomon’s point in the proverb Paul quotes is plain. Acts of kindness toward those who have intentionally done us harm stir shame. They awaken an awareness of wrongdoing. That is the focus.

Then he slowed down and said what he needed to say in good conscience. This is not a call to keep putting yourself in harm’s way. We should not read this as permission for abusers to keep being abusive or for malevolent people to keep destroying your life. Applying this verse is complicated and messy. Easy to preach, but complex and emotionally charged to live. He pointed us back to what the text actually pictures. In Romans 12:20, the oppressor is in need of food and water. They are hungry and thirsty. The person who has mistreated you is down. They are suffering. They are desperate. In that situation, showing the kindness, grace, and forgiveness of Jesus honors the verse. This is not a mandate to remain in an unsafe place. It is a command to reject retaliation.

He linked it again to what Jesus taught. Turning the other cheek is not staying in a dangerous or abusive situation and allowing someone to keep hurting you. It is refusing revenge. We can withhold retaliation and still build healthy boundaries, remove ourselves from harm, and refuse to enable destructive behavior. Paul echoed that in verse 19. Leave vengeance to the Lord as He sees fit. Romans 12:14 says, “Bless those who persecute you. Don’t curse them, pray that God will bless them.” Pastor Tom added that blessing and praying can happen at a distance. He kept the lens on verse 20. These words speak to moments when those who wronged us are down and desperate, possibly no longer in a position to hurt us. Romans 12:20 says, “In doing this, you will heap burning coals of shame on their heads.” Kindness toward someone who wronged you provokes a sense of shame and heightens their awareness that they are in the wrong. Something about kindness, instead of retaliation, brings conviction.

Useful Shame

Pastor Tom acknowledged that shame is a negative word for most of us. We rally against it and believe that because of Jesus we are not defined by shame. He agreed with that completely. Still, he said, there is a usefulness to shame. To realize how damaging my behavior has been. To be aware of how hurtful my words have been and to feel ashamed of it. If that shame pushes me toward growth and repentance, it is useful. As he made notes for the message, he shared a thought. Shame is a helpful vehicle to get us somewhere, but it is a terrible vehicle if it defines us. Some people have vehicles that simply get them from A to B. Others let their vehicles become part of their identity. Shame functions best like the first kind. If it moves us away from what is damaging, harmful, or sinful, and moves us toward health, wholeness, and godliness, then it has served its purpose.

He circled back to grace here. The grace of God means we do not have to drown in shame. The forgiveness Jesus won on the cross means shame does not have to shape our lives or dictate our future. But thank God that opening our eyes to see how destructive our thoughts, words, and actions can be can lead to shame, and the promise of the gospel is that shame can lead to repentance, and repentance leads to freedom in Jesus’ name. Then he turned it toward the room. While we may be talking about shame being a good vehicle for someone else, perhaps this is something you need to reflect on too.

The Hope They Turn

Pastor Tom took us to an earlier page in the same letter. Romans 2:4 says, “Or do you think lightly of the riches of His kindness and restraint and patience, not knowing that the kindness of God leads you to repentance?” He underlined the flow. God’s kindness leads us to repentance. His kindness helps us see what we should leave behind. Paul is telling us to do the same. Kindness is not pretending that evil is good. Kindness can expose evil because it creates a contrast. The hope beneath all of this is that people come to faith and find redemption. It is not as neat and tidy as we would like. He named Paul as the premier example and posed a hard question the first Christians would have had to face. How did the family of Stephen feel about this?

Then he stated the conviction clearly, and he did not soften it. “Gospel Victory is Not Celebrating Our Enemies Suffering, But Rejoicing When They’re Set Free by the Grace of Jesus.” He acknowledged that every one of us recoils, and we start with the hypothetical what about. He referenced a feel good story with a simple line, “the guy who shot the guy who baptized him,” then urged us to wade into the complexities and emotions instead of settling for tidy endings. When we do this, maybe someone repents and maybe they do not. Our obedience is not dependent on their response. We do this because we follow Jesus. This is part of the trust he had been talking about.

Overcome

Pastor Tom brought us back to where Paul lands. Romans 12:21 says, “Don’t let evil conquer you, but conquer evil by doing good.” He noted that some older English translations say overcome, and the New Living Translation he typically uses says conquer. Either way, it is military language. Words for battles and skirmishes and confrontations. Paul uses battlefield words because he wants us to feel the severity. Do not let evil conquer you. How does evil conquer you. Evil conquers you when you stop fighting the Jesus way and start fighting the world’s way. The defeat is not that you lost. It is that you are playing the wrong game.

He pressed the contrast. As Christians, we are called to navigate these moments the Jesus way. When we abandon Jesus and decide we know best and He needs to step aside so we can take care of business, we have let evil win. We are called to play a different game with different rules, different priorities, and a whole different scoreboard. The moment we reject God’s way and get down in the mud to play the world’s game of retaliation and revenge, we have already lost. He used sports and games to help the room feel it, then returned again to Paul’s chosen picture. Citizens of Heaven overcome evil by doing good. Every time we imitate Jesus, every act of good lands a blow. We are defeating evil. Every time we exercise discipline and trust God instead of lashing out in vengeance, we are defeating evil. Every time we rise above the naysayers who mistake trust for weakness, we are overcoming evil.

Bring It Home

Before closing, Pastor Tom got practical. Identify the relationship where you are most tempted to retaliate. Decide what doing good could actually look like. Pray for the discipline to do it without needing the other person to deserve it first. He widened the lens to what could happen if we put this into practice. As individuals, our reflex toward revenge would weaken and our reflex toward grace would strengthen. As a church, we would become the kind of community where disagreements do not turn into grudges, offenses do not become factions, and hurt does not get passed from person to person. We would build a place where grace is practiced, relationships can heal, and people can genuinely belong in Jesus’ name. In the wider community, people would see something different. Not weakness or passivity, but a security in Jesus that removes the need for revenge to feel strong. Every room we walk into would become an opportunity to show what the Kingdom of God looks like.

He reviewed the anchors he wanted us to carry out the door. Revenge makes things worse. The teaching of Jesus and the apostles is that forgiveness makes things better. It is complicated, difficult, and emotionally exhausting, but that is the Bible’s promise. Breaking the cycle and refusing to take matters into our own hands brings peace and contentment. We overcome by refusing to play the wrong game. Paul says the way we lose is by abandoning the Jesus way and adopting the world’s rules of retaliation. We overcome evil when we keep demonstrating the goodness of Jesus and keep embodying the values and priorities of the Kingdom of God. And when those who caused you pain are down, we offer help. Not to justify what they did. Not to put you back in harm’s way. But so they might see grace in action. Experiencing grace, hopefully, awakens an awareness of wrongdoing. That shame can lead to repentance. Repentance is a cause for celebration. That is true victory. Not revenge for revenge’s sake. True victory is people turning from destruction toward the love Jesus modeled and a life that honors the Lord. That is overcoming evil for the glory of God.

He then gave the room two questions to sit with this week. When are you most tempted to respond the world’s way instead of Jesus’ way. What would doing good toward that person actually look like this week.

Pastor Tom closed the series by naming the word he wants people to use to describe us. He spelled it out and read the meaning slowly. “Magnanimous. Generous and forgiving, especially toward a rival or less powerful person, unselfish and noble in spirit. Exhibiting or arising from a lofty, courageous, and big hearted character, showing freedom from petty resentment, envy, or revenge. Characterized by active, unmerited kindness toward an adversary, overcoming hostility by meeting malice with benevolence, such as offering aid or sustenance to those who seek one’s harm.” He let the definition hang, then said, You are magnanimous.